i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
