Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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