i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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