Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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