Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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