I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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