Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
