Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So. Much. Porn.
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