i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
