I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize