can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
