The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
