i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
