She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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