Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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