Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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