But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
