I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
