You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When are your genitals available?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
