Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize