are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
