just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
