I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
