i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
