Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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