Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
