The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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