I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
