The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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