oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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