the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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