Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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