Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
