plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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