so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
