Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize