We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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