Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
