I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize