I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
