my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
