i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
