Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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