peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
