I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
