I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He felt like a one man threesome
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
