i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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