wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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