You smell like a Billy Joel song
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
