Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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