i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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