we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
