I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize