Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
