I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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