You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
