Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
