eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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