Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
