listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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