those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize