Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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