final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
do nipples grow back?
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