just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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