K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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