Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No...this little piggys going to the bar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
