After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
