i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
