There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
