belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
